On Meditation for spiritual calmness that I as recommended as the ideal, my Consultant Psychiatrist and I had a chat about my stress-level arising from hyperactivity.

It is to be mostly physical in my youth as I was taking part in all kinds of physical work like playing all kinds of sports, working in scientific laboratories where strict experimental procedures had to be rigorously adhered to and data analysed to ground realities according to academic orientations in so there was nothing spiritual in that, all routine mundane work to establish practical methods of growing chickens, producing eggs, studyin8g nutritional values, getting farmers to adopt appropriate technologies, all of which left one breathless, so I drank beer and spirits to cool down. I did hatha yoga for years too to keep flexible and did lots of gardening so was exceptionally fit young man physically. No need to meditate, no time for it, total waste of time I used to think.

Then my Life of Riley came to a shuddering halt when in pursuit of my material goals I was found blameworthy of gross misconduct unfortunately and I thought I was always a well-mannered person with people all my life until this happened to send me to mental doldrums with a severe nervous breakdown that the Consultant Psychiatrist described to be ‘Severe Depression With Psychotic Features’. That was in 1998 and I fought materially to try and restore my reputation.

I was still hyperactive now but the legal battles that followed in the United Kingdom went on for the next 23 years with intense mental hyperactivity now so that all m physical activity including sexual intercourse and masturbation that I used to enjoy and immensely so for In my youth I 'suffered' from premature ejaculation, gradually dissipated and I now had erectile dysfunction much to the consternation of my devoted wife  who saw my lethargy and now had to hire tradesmen  and plumbers and gardeners to maintain the house, while I tried to understand what was happening to my mind since the nervous breakdown. I had variously persistent delusional disorder, paranoid schizophrenia, depression, mood changes anxieties, fatalism, and the Consultant Psychiatrist had to send me to the mental hospital in 2004 first for 3 months, followed by a relapse episode in 2008 for one month. I have been on anti-psychotic, anti- depressant and mood stabilising medications of various kinds as these have changed during the past 23 years, but non of which has really done anything good for my mental stability. This morning I was still very hyperactive mentally developing a blog post in a new website that I created yesterday evening called the Conservative Libertarian Party of the USA with Odoo.com.

The only respite I get to relax my stressful mind is sleeping even during the daytime.

This morning my Consultant Psychiatrist has confirmed that the mental stress is what causes me to fire of my thousands of emails here there and  everywhere and gets me to create websites incessantly. It is not narcissism or attention-seeking for I am a very private person at heart and shun publicity. I am just hyperactive and have turned to nonchalant, spontaneous and unpremeditated actions in all my publications and emails and phone conversations with whoever's wishes to talk to me or if from paranoia I get the sudden urge to phone someone or send an email or a text.

The Consultant Psychiatrist has this morning said that he is increasing my anti-psychotic Risperidone from 1 mg daily to 2 mg daily twice a day, and my mood stabilizer Depakote from 250 mg daily twice a day to 500 mg .. He has also accepted my apology for offending him yesterday by putting the phone down on him after a 20 minute consultation when I said to him: ‘I will be straight with you are you going to phone the Police right now to ask if my British Passport is still valid’ and he had replied ‘No’.

So, the mental anxieties that affect my hyperactive and highly stressed mind continues.

In this connection Facebook had reminded me by raising a post of mine from a year ago. I do not know if I want to stress my mind anymore than it already is under its hyperactivity. Is it not part of the Autism Spectrum Disorders Attention Deficity Hyperactivity Disorder and its manifestations that I have suffered from maybe, yes/no? . The Psychiatrist used to recommend mindfulness exercises for me but this morning he said that I should write down a routine for myself of physical activities for the week to be done daily, like carpet-hoovering, going for walks twice a day, gardening, washing clothes in the washing machine, etc. When I mentioned this to my wife she said I know to what level of standard you wild these household work, reflecting on the first 15 years of our marriage when I was hyperactive in my ‘Do-it-yourself’ work in the house physically putting up shelves, assembling furniture from boxes, wall paring rooms and landing, changing carpets, putting up Hi-Fi speakers, etc.

So, there you have it, from a physical reck now, what is the future for me? except sleep in ananda?